I'm so hoping this blog becomes a cathartic experience in my life. I need it to be even if no one ever reads it. I feel the need to surround myself with quality people. God, they're so hard to find! I wanna feel INVOLVED. INTERESTED. PIQUED. This heartbreak brought so much truth. I was pretty much slapped by the reality of the way I live. So afraid. I want so much and have no idea how to get from point A to point B. I have 2 degrees and no job and don't feel like getting one. What would I feel happy committing my life to? The reality of things right now is that I would be perfectly happy with meeting a good boy, falling in love, make a life together and just raise many of his babies. But... in my heart I feel like I should ask "Would this be cheating on myself?" "Are you this afraid of what you could do that you won't even try?"
He broke up with me and I realized I had broken up with myself long before he did. I stayed for him, I accepted things for him, I compromised for him, I forgave things for him. But I never drew the line for ME.
Sometimes I feel like a divorced 60 year old woman. Where do you go from here?
But I'm told there are better things to come...
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