I'm the girl

I'm the girl who has a few best friends and doesn't need anyone, the girl that laughs the hardest at her own jokes. The girl that expects way too much. Doesn't care what anyone thinks and is nice to everyone. I'm the girl who will hang up on you but then call you right after and say sorry. The kind of girl that will put all her trust in you until you give her a reason not to. I'm the girl that will never leave your side when you need me, the girl who will go out of her way to cheer you up. I'm the girl who tells only the special ones that indeed she is very ticklish. I'm the girl who won't give up on you if I really believe in you. I believe in loving somebody forever.

Letting you go...

This week has been extremely revealing for me in so many ways. There are things that have arrived at a place of realization and it is time for me to emancipate them. I think I'm finally letting him go. The yearning, the anticipation, the hope is gone. For some odd reason earlier this month I had a restless night like I hadn't in so long. All i could think of was of how I felt when he cheated. How i felt about myself. How i still feel about it. I have never felt so raw ever. So present in a moment, quite honestly, suspended in time. Sometimes I wonder if I tell myself that i really never saw it coming because deep down inside everything was a little too good to be true. 

Now, I feel different. A little surer of what i want, a little more open but at the same so very vulnerable. Our connection was so strong, so intimate. Will it ever happen again is my biggest fear now. People come in and out of our lives and some leave an indelible mark. Will i ever see them again? Who knows. Now I want a chance to discover, to try new things but most importantly someone to share them with. 

I'm letting you go today. 

I'm turning the page. 

But be certain that you will forever have an important place in my heart, my mind and my life. Should we meet again, everything will be as it always was. I do love you and still will.

To say 'stress' is the word of the day would be an understatement. These last two years the meaning of this word has changed so much. It went from "Can I make rent?", "Will he cheat again?", "How long are they gonna keep me as an intern?" to actual, bone cracking, muscle clenching, physical stress: "45 travellers in one day, how do I manage?", "I've been waiting long enough, WHERE is he?", "I can't wait to get a vacation!". But... body clenched and all, I must pull through and rock on.